My team player panics when she lacks understanding – most unsuccessfully when being trained.
I was LIVID and CONFUSED.
“This girl just. Does. Not. Listen.”
Ah, the memories of poor communication. I bet you have some similar ones of your own. Not because we suck at leading – actually, we’re pretty awesome at it, even though it feels like parenting adults. But because in life, every day is training day.
What would it feel like if you didn’t get to the point of seeing red?
If, we could spare our minds the pain of uttering hurtful thoughts and memories?
It’s possible!
We just have to understand what triggers us, and then know how to prevent ourselves from going there.
What Causes Triggers?
How we react is totally up to us.
Everyone has their own unique triggers, but here are a few common reasons why the boss reacts to subordinates with negative energy:
1. Lighten Up.
Some employees will deliberately do the opposite of what we ask. It’s a power game and it’s typical immature behavior. Don’t take it as a personal attack and fly off the handle.
Ask yourself – “Am I angry because they are disrespecting me?” Um, most definitely, yes!
Now remember that these are the knowledge workers. They don’t think or act like knowledge leaders. Believe me, their intention isn’t to entangle you, they’re counting on you to captain the ship.
2. Prior stress.
Being a leader is so stressful. There’s executive stress, employee stress, and relationship stress… just to name a few. And when we’re under a lot of stress, it takes no effort to push us over the edge. We have no patience with our employees when we’re worried about a million things plus, that really big daily executive meeting.
3. Just done.
You’re tired and worn out. You haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in who knows when. Not to mention that you’re constantly rushing from meeting, to training, to school, to dinner, to another cup of coffee all day long.
So when our employee asks us “what did you want me to do…” for the fifth time that day, we yell, “Do you ever listen!!”
4. High expectations.
We set expectations high for ourselves, as high performers so I t’s easy to forget that our employees are not seeking perfectionism.
Sometimes we unconsciously expect them to be driven for success like us. And when they don’t, we get pissed.
Don’t project your emotions, it’s just not fair to be so hard on yourself.
5. To-do list overload.
We tend to take on too much at work and in our personal lives. Before we know it, we’re over-committed.
Learn to exercise portion control by limiting the inventory on the to-do list.
6. Temporary insanity.
Anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder – yup these labels are pretty common. When our anxiety is heightened and we’re constantly bombarded by bad news or are in a dark place, it’s easy to get negative.
Remember it’s okay to delegate tasks and hire extra help!
7. No patience.
Frequent bouts of that impulsive need to reply immediately to text messages, emails, and social media notifications. We are in a hurry to connect to our stress. We’re done with one thing, and on to the next.
We’ve gotten so far away from living mindfully, that we no longer know how to be present.
My friend, which of these reasons causes you to feel devalued? It’s important to recognize your triggers so you can prevent an awkward on the job meltdown.
So, How To Grow“The Conscious Boss?
You find what works for you, although I’ll mention that you need to focus on how to handle triggers in the moment, while simultaneously creating a calmer workplace environment.
For me, I’ve found that I should respond by…
1. Know your triggers.
What happened right before my trigger showed up? How was I feeling at the time?
Thinking in terms of my why? Once I recognize the cause of my problem I then devise a plan to root it out!
2. Be happy.
I seek out what brings me joy? I think of things that make me feel calm, serene, and grounded. It could be listening to certain songs, reading, meditating, praying, a bath, a walk outside, gardening, catch-up with a friend.
When I find myself getting to the point of negative emotions, I go there to engage in one of the activities. Even if it’s just for 5 minutes. I can then go back to my team refreshed in a more patient state and talk through the productivity with them.
And if you don’t have the time to go to your happy place, take a step back and take 3 deep breaths in and slowly out.
Remember that this too will pass.
3. Be present.
Teams need structure. It helps them feel trained and effective. If they don’t feel this way, they’re more likely to disengage. And leaders more likely to get bossy.
A change in routines are a great way to create mindful structure for my team. Creating one for the morning and one for end of shift is all I need.
Nothing complicated. It can be as simple as stretches, trivia, motivational quotes, moments of gratitude or a humor.